fall down with the day
now, fall down the day-
let the fever go.
let it go now
if you were afloat in
an ocean on your
back you'd let it
let you feel it let
go and your arms
would be outstretched
like falling down with the
day. now, let it fall and
get those arms outstretched
and wait for the collision
with the world
we all love the fall-feeling
but not the fall, it has a
sinister meaning that we
know but always forget;
it is unknowing the known
forgetting the unforgotten
when i'm writing i am
falling down the day
down with the day
arms outstretched and the
rush is in the belly and in
the cock
so there is power in
the fall, intelligence in
the descent, of the going
down too fast but sometimes
not fast enough
we must go to it:
go to it, to have the
pleasure tamped,
the pain amplified,
but neither giving quarter
to the other
falling is a skepticism,
like the feeling of being
confronted by a crying friend
and not knowing what to
say
i still feel the tumbledown
for those who tell me
they've sat at the bedside
of a dying sibling, even though
i've sat there with them
so someone says to me,
'she went home to the lord
last night' and
<she had cancer>
is in the white noise of the grief
and i nod and i say
'our thoughts are with you,'
which is a terrible thing to say
and then i am pulled out
of the fall, fully out
fast, and i feel like
throwing up
after my brother, dethroned,
left us all standing around
that dark, shrinking hospice
room i wanted everyone to
just shut the fuck up about it
or at least to say,
'your brother was an asshole
to me in 1979'
or to ask,
'was he still a drunk?'
or to weep,
'i didn't come around because
i didn't like cancer'
something approaching
honesty; something
approaching a look in
a mirror; something
other than all that public
masturbation
instead to be
falling down with the
day, fallen now -
the day, float-falling
low-flung and arms outstretched
giddy with the fast rush,
the belly pull, the kink
in the groin, in that place of
shade between fear
and knowledge, the
good long slide
listen:
when love comes
it's a fall
when death comes,
it's no ascent, child
when the sun sets,
it's a plunge of the earth
when i make love to you,
it's a driving down
the baby sleeps in the
arms, and she flails from
a primal reflex
then shutter-sobs for a
moment then is at peace
again
fall down with the
day now, fall down the
day. let the fever go
let it go now.
arms
don't forget the arms
